James 24:7

Not long ago I was hanging out in Barnes and Noble.  I picked up a Christian magazine and opened it to an article by a guy who has written about why men don't like to go to church.  As I recall, he said it is because women shape the church and the church shapes the pastors.

I heard him:  Pastors are the men that real men never hope to become.

It reminded me of a book I read a few years ago by a historian who said that in some quarters in the 1800s, preachers were known as "parlor men."  They were called "parlor men" because rather than do the work of real men like driving mules, plowing fields and making liquor, pastors sat in the parlor with the ladies drinking tea.  (He went on to say there was a reaction to that when a group of pastors founded the YMCA in an effort to create "muscular Christianity.")

Well, to that historian I would say (1) God confirmed my call to the ministry one summer when I spent 3 months running a jack hammer and (2) pastors listen to the ladies to keep them from killing their husbands.

Anyway, back to the magazine writer.  He suggested that the church needs to become more attentive to the needs of real men.  He cited a particular church in Texas as an example.  They hung trophy animal heads in the building...sort of an evangelical Country Bear Jamboree I guess.

Well, after I read the article I decided that I was going to quit being a man.   No..I don't mean that.  I mean I was going to quit trying to fit into this category called "man" and just be me...myself.

One of the real profit centers among evangelicals these days is in the creation of these categories called "men", "husbands," "fathers", "leaders" and "pastors".  After the category is created a set of standards is delineated that qualifies one as a member of that category.  Sometimes they even pick one or two standard bearers for us to model our lives after.  (Any women remember "The Total Woman?")

 Ironically, I cannot help but think of Michael Foucault, a French philosopher and real sorry excuse for most any "man" category.  Foucault said if you want to understand why people claim what they claim- i.e. if you want to uncover their true motivations even as they claim to only want to speak the truth- you should follow the money and power trail.  Creating categories (Real Man), and the standards of what constitutes that category is a way to carve out a power/money niche in the world.

In other words, there's gold in them thar evangelical hills.

I've decided to keep the biology but pass on the category with its standards.

I am going to be me....myself.

I look out my window and I see this naked and spindly dogwood tree.  Leafless and gray, it stands there badly in need of pruning.

I think of Thomas Merton and the words he wrote in New Seeds of Contemplation:

"A tree gives glory to God by being a tree...The more a tree is like itself, the more it is like Him.  If it tried to be something else which it ws never intended to be, it would be less like God and therefore it would give God less glory.

No two created beings are exactly alike.  And their individuality is no imperfection.  On the contrary, the perfection of each created thing is not merely in its conformity to an abstract type but in its own individual identity with itself.  This particular tree will give glory to God by spreading out its roots and raising its branches into the air and the light in a way that no other tree before or after it ever did or will do...

Each particular being, in its individuality...with all its own characteristics and its private qualities and its own inviolable identity, gives glory to God by being precisely what God wants it to be here and now, in the circumstances ordained for it by His Love and His infinite Art."

I think of parents standing over the beds of their sons angelic in their sleep and in spite of that I hear them wonder why that boy just doesn't get it or why things just don't connect for him or why he is so unmotivated.  I think of parents standing over the beds of their daughters beautiful beyond repair but daughters nonetheless doing everything they can to be someone other than themselves.

To them I say, "Don't try to make your sons and daughters fit into some abstract category called 'nice boy, good girl.'   Rather teach them about God who is the only one ultimately able to help them be the unique self God created."

You and I are not simply members of a category.  We are each a category unto our selves.  Each of our children is unique in his or her identity.  Each may grow up to be extensions of our selves and each may grow to be strangers to us. If they are known by God and being known by God and desiring to be known by God in the unique design God has fashioned for them...if they are finding themselves in God...then "all is well and shall be well." 

Only God can tell you how to be you and only God can tell me how to be me.

We need to listen...and take courage.