James 24:7

Tenth in a series of reflections on a story from the Desert Fathers)

Again...here's the story:

"Abba Lot went to see Abba Joseph and said to him, 'Abba, as far as I can I say my little office, I fast a little, I pray and meditate, I live in peace and as far as I can, I purify my thoughts. What else can I do?' then the old man stood up and stretched his hands towards heaven. His fingers became like ten lamps of fire and he said to him, 'If you will, you can become all flame.'"

"If you will, you can become all flame."

Now this is the challenging part, this "...if you will."

Abba Joseph put Abba Lot into crisis with those words.  He offered him a pair of alternatives that, depending upon the choice he made, would set the course of his life. 

He could continue with the usual way of living: self-directed, dabbling, and task centered spiritual practice or he could choose to become all flame.  The choice was either/or not both/and.

The English word 'crisis' is a transliteration of the Greek word 'krisis', which means to judge, to decide, to separate.  The meanings of 'krisis' form a little narrative.  In crisis, in krisis, we make judgments, we decide, we choose- this vs. that. 

Insofar as a story is comprised of a beginning, a middle and and an end, krisis is its own story.  While krisis may last only a couple of seconds, the tension is palpable.

Jesus moved along and first one then another came to him.  "Follow me," he said.

To encounter Jesus is to enter into krisis:

• Lord I will follow you but first I must bury my father. 
• Lord I will follow you but first let me sell my property.
• Lord I will follow you but let me say good-bye to my family.

Our 'buts' don't fit in a krisis.  We cannot have it both ways.  We cannot put Jesus on hold. 

We judge.  We weigh our options.  We consider the outcomes.  We hold each up to the light of scrutiny.

We choose. We take the step knowing that nothing in the past, even the most recent past, can ever be taken back.   Our choices are irrevocable.

We live with our choices.  We follow the path we have selected.  We float in the stream into which we jumped.

We can change our minds but we cannot change our history.  We can change our minds but must live with missed moments.  We can change our minds but to count on that is to count on hours that are not (h)ours to count.

"If you will..."